Quiet Forks Chaos
by tarynmunchkin
Summary: Alice falls in love with someone else which causes everything to spiral out of controll in the Cullen house, leaving Emmett to fix the mess. Warning: lemons.
1. Alice's mistake

**Hey!! I'm so excited to see the outcome of this story!**

**Just a second warning to all of you who were too lazy to read the summary: this story contains LEMONS, okay? Now if there are any sensitive readers out there who get scarred for life by this, it is no longer my problem. I warned you.**

**I'm too lazy to say anything more. Enjoy! **

"Oh, Jasper!" Alice gasped and wrapped her arm around his neck. She curved her back, leaning down to kiss him, turning her head almost completely to the side to fit her mouth into his. She had both her hands on his bare chest and could easily feel he's heavy breathing, which made her want to put her body right up against his, but this would be a difficult task, considering their current position.

The rust-coloured sheet, draped softly over their intertwined bodies, ruffled with every movement they made.

Alice sat upright again, arching her back the opposite way this time. She was struggling not to scream because the rest of her family would definitely hear. Every one of her breaths was a gasp now. It was not in her nature to keep quiet, but Jasper was making it look easy - all you could hear was his heavy breathing.

She gasped loudly again, almost failing in her attempt at silence, but regaining her sanity quickly. She swallowed and pursed her lips, wanting to see Jaspers expression, but not managing to open her eyes.

Let's change images here, because it gets pretty graphic, and rather allow me to explain how they ended up in this position (excuse the pun) when they usually aren't so stupid as to do this when their family's home and Alice obviously isn't good at keeping quiet:

They were out hunting, all alone, running through the forests high up in the mountain, chasing a cougar, zigzagging between trees at high speed.

Well, apparently, something about hunting just gets vampires...excited. Or maybe it only affects these two, but it really doesn't matter. I'm sorry to say the cougar didn't make it. If only it had run just al little faster. But after sucking the cougar's blood, they'd ended up sucking each other's faces.

So, instead of hunting, they'd decided in intense, hot sex.

This brings us back to the graphics:

Jasper was now on top (you really don't want to know how he got there) which was not the norm. He was just too gentle, so Alice normally had to lead, and that was the easiest place to do it from. He was holding her wrists, pinning her arms to the bed. This was very out of character for Jasper, who was normally the pinned, not the pinner.

Alice was fairly in character until Jasper put his hand on her breast: she stroked his arm with her free hand and pulled Jasper closer, she nestled her head into his shoulder, and moved her hand from his arm into his hair. She wasn't even concentrating on keeping quiet anymore; it just seemed to come naturally. Jasper, on the other hand, was very close to losing it.

"Mm, Jacob," Alice purred, and then gasped, not because of what Jasper had just done (which was definitely a new trick) but because she realised what she'd just said.

"What!?" Jasper shouted half relieved for the excuse to release some of what he was hoping he could do. He jumped back a little, out of Alice's reach.

"I...I..." Alice stuttered, still breathing heavily.

"Is _that_ why you were acting so different?" Jasper asked, still unbelieving.

"You were too! What's your excuse?" she shot back.

"I'm not the one who called out another man's name when–"

"Well if you called out a man's name I'd be very worried!" Alice cut Jasper off. She glared at him and noticed Jasper's surprise at her defensive attitude.

"Ha, ha, very funny," Jasper said, using sarcasm for the first time in his life.

They stopped talking, and stared each other down. Jasper's eyes were still showing signs of hurt and confusion even though he was trying to look tough.

"Who is Jacob anyway?" Jasper asked after a while.

"None of your business..." Alice grumbled, upset about ruining what Jasper was doing.

"I think it is. He just happens to be your mind-lover who I do all those things for, obviously just to help his reputation."

"'Mind-lover'?" Alice asked.

"Just answer the question," Jasper said softly.

"Uuh..." she said.

"What?" Jasper said worried now about why she was so scared to tell him.

"You won't hate me? I mean, it was only an accident," Alice pleaded.

"Just tell me," Jasper sighed, upset about losing what he'd had going for him because of _this_.

"Black... Jacob Black," Alice said.

"WHAT!?!" Jasper shouted, to angry and upset to notice the corny James Bond way Alice had said the name. He jumped out of bed, flung open the door and stormed out into the hallway, slamming the door behind him.

"Jasper..." Alice whispered, completely upset now. Why had she done that? Was there something in her heart she hadn't noticed before?

Then she noticed something interesting: unless she was mistaken Jasper was still naked when he stormed out the door. No, it couldn't be, she was probably just too upset to notice when he got dressed. Jasper was never that stupid.

**Hope you liked it! Hope I didn't cause an uproar! Note: this is a comedy, so it's not meant to be taken seriously! It's just for fun!**

**Please R&R? Even if you hated it. You can tell me. I won't be mad.**


	2. A conversation starter

**Hey everybody!!! I can't be bothered to do a long A/N because I'm lazy. **

**I must say though, I'm really loving writing this story amd I hope it shows! I hope you laugh untill you fall off your chair even though it isn't really interesting yet. I promise there will be a plot, I just need to build up to the point where I can reveal the plot, okay? But this is an important chapter, so read it.**

**Here it is! Enjoy!**

"What did he say again?" Edward asked Bella, referring to the conversation we'd been having. They were talking about their day at school and this very entertaining guy who was in love with Bella – Mike, I think.

"He told you that you were a --" Bella stopped dead in mid sentence. She was staring at something across the room in unbelieving horror. I turned to look at what she was staring at, and saw something I honestly never thought I'd see. It was Jasper stomping through the middle of the house heading for the door, _completely naked_. The _stomping _was not helping the situation.

Bella made a small shriek as she processed what she was seeing, and covered her eyes with both her hands. Edward turned just a bit too late to cover Bella's eyes because of her reaction to this.

Rosalie, who was sitting next to me, couldn't help but stare. Not at Jasper's nakedness, but at the show he was putting on that he was obviously oblivious to.

"Jasper!" I shouted to get his attention, since he wasn't noticing the whole family staring at him. I wondered what put him in such a state that he wouldn't notice being naked.

"What?" he snapped, _spinning_ around to see Edward with his arm around Bella who still had her hands covering her eyes, Rosalie staring at him in shock and me who was completely astonished. I just could not believe what I was seeing.

I cleared my thought, glancing down at his... to indicate what he was doing wrong. Sorry, that sentence didn't come out right.

He continued glaring at me for a while as though I was an idiot, and then realised what I was trying to say. The realization of what he was doing changed his whole face, turning his expression from pure, flaming anger to complete horror. I choked back a laugh when I saw his expression; his disbelief and how stupid he felt all showing up on his face, coupled with the horror mentioned before made it extremely funny. I glanced over at Bella and saw the position she was sitting in, clearly not happy with the whole situation. I tried to think of how she felt to try making the humour of the situation decrease, but somehow it made it worse.

Luckily Jasper was too lost in his thoughts to notice my smile spread across my face. He sprinted at high speed back the way he'd come. Bella looked up just in time to see this, but luckily Jasper was running at _our_ speed and her eyes couldn't see the full extent of what his running caused. Sadly, I could and I didn't manage to contain my laughter.

After a while of lonely laughter, I regained my composure. "Well that was entertaining," I said, a smile still plastered to my face. Everyone, especially Bella, sent their death glares at me. I choked and decided to change the subject.

"Wasn't that very out of character for him?" I asked as a general question. This got everybody thinking.

"Well," Edward began. "not only was he parading around naked," this comment made Bella shudder. "But he was also angry, which is not normal for him." Edward had a point. I was referring to him knowing all those interesting moves, but him being angry was a good way to get off the subject.

"I've never seen him like that," Bella said, then cringed when she realised what she'd said.

"Well, I sure hope you haven't," I said. "Or you have some explaining to do. And you need to apologize to Alice."

"Emmett," Edward moaned, and I realised that I'd been seriously contemplating what the consequences of that incident would have been.

"Sorry," I muttered, but still interested in that thought.

But what better to kill a good train of thought then an angry Alice stomping across the room from the same direction the angry Jasper had come from. She wasn't naked, much to my dismay. And please, get your head out of the gutter. I mean that it ruined my continued humour, okay? But maybe that's an unreasonable request considering the story you're reading.

"What, no show?" I said sarcastically and a pillow hit my arm, interestingly coming from Rosalie's direction.

"Show?" she asked, not really paying attention to me or anyone else.

"Nothing," I said, turning away from the glare Rosalie was giving me that was probably able to kill new-born puppies.

She turned the door knob and stepped outside letting the extra pale green light into the room that shone right on Edward's face. Bella looked up at him in awe, probably thinking about how 'hot' he is.

Alice shut the door again, darkening Edward's face again and snapping Bella out of her trance. I rolled my eyes at her expression and at the fact that Edward hadn't noticed it.

And that was how this chain of events began, in its own interesting way.

**Hope you liked it! The next chapter is even funnier, so don't stop reading! And R&R or I'll get Emmett to hunt you down and eat your pet. Please R&R? I'll love you forever. Ask questions or flame me or talk a bunch of crap or whatever you feel like. I welcome it all!**


	3. Emmett's mistake

**Here it is! The capter that starts the madness! Emmett must choose his words more wisely.**

**Enjoy!**

I pulled my eyes away from the dark, misty forest outside the huge window that practically made up the wall to look at Edward's face. I'd been trying to figure out what his reaction to the "Jasper Incident" was since this afternoon when it happened. He was the only one who hasn't given off any signs of his opinion on it besides Alice and Jasper, who had been out of the house ever since.

Edward and I were the only ones in the room right now. Bella had gone home a few hours ago. It was already 2:00am, and Rosalie was currently on the phone with Carlisle; he was in Europe with Esme for a while.

Edward stared out or the huge window, his face placid. The darkness was calming for us even though it would probably scare most humans. Humans would feel overwhelmingly vulnerable without a decent wall to protect them.

I continued to stare at Edward who still hadn't noticed my eyes boring a hole into the side of his head. I growled silently in frustration. Why wasn't he showing any emotion? He was obviously not paying attention to me, his mind on something far away, or he would've heard my thoughts.

The tiny movement of his eyes widening caught my attention: he'd noticed me staring. He turned his head slowly in my direction, his eyebrows pulling together into a confused frown.

"What?" he breathed a faint laugh in his words.

"What's your take on the Jasper Incident?" I asked him, getting right to the point.

"So it's an incident now?" he smiled, not hiding the fact that he found me amusing.

"It's worthy. Now answer the question," I sounded impatient.

"Well, it was definitely out of character," Edward started, not sure what to say.

"I hadn't noticed," I said sarcastically.

He glared playfully at me. "I just wish I knew what happened," he said, not paying attention and leaving a huge passage of humour open for me.

"Edward, you sicko! You seriously wanted to see what they were doing up there? Just ask Jasper to hide a camera then!" I shouted, then grinned as he leaned over and punched me playfully, not hard enough to affect me, but probably hard enough to crack a humans rib.

"You know what I mean. Neither of them has come back yet so we can't even ask them to tell us what happened," he pointed out the obvious.

"Yeah. Somehow I doubt they'd tell us anyway," I said, considering the situation fully for the first time. I decided this was a touchy subject and changed the direction the conversation was heading easily: "Bella was pretty affected by that, huh?"

Okay, so it wasn't the best subject to change it too. I'm just curious about what she thought about this.

"Well," Edward started in a 'matter of fact' tone. "She's never been with anybody before so it's not like something she's _seen_ before," I laughed under my breath and Edward glared at me out of the corner of his eyes.

"But Rosalie didn't react like that," I pointed out.

"Yes, but she lives with him so the feeling she has for him has become almost brotherly."

Ooh, isn't he just so rational. He's taking this way too seriously. Either that or he's lost his sense of humour.

"How's Bella doing?" I asked, trying to be sensitive.

"I don't know. I'm not a mind read..." he stopped, realising what he was saying. "She's sleeping, so either she's feeling nothing or she's dreaming. But I doubt she's dreaming about Jasper's ..."

I chuckled. So he hasn't lost his sense of humour completely... yet.

"She's very sensitive about this, huh?" I asked, just trying to get a decent answer out of him.

"You're asking a lot of questions," Edward said, looking almost suspicious.

"Well I'm just trying to figure her out. Humans are so strange," I said, listing all her weird habits in my head. The way she was always falling or tripping. The way she was so fragile. The way she reacted to situations in such strange ways, for example, what happened today...

"Yeah, but they're hot," Edward mocked.

"Yeah, they are actually. Well, they can be. If they are then they're normally very nice," I stopped myself. I'd heard something.

Edward had obviously heard it too because he rose slowly, looking in the direction of the dark passageway. He slunk towards it, completely silent. I decided it was a good idea to go and help him.

I rose to my feet too, also walking silently to the passage. Edward peered around the corner of the wall, slowly, cautiously. I didn't do the same. I figured it would be better to wait and see if anything ripped Edward's face off rather than getting _my_ face torn off as well. Edward spun around to face me and I almost fell over because I wasn't expecting the sudden, sharp movement.

"It's just Rosalie. She must've picked something up or done something to cause the noise.

"Was she in the passage?" I asked.

"No, she's in the next room. She's still on the phone," he said, looking around the corner of the white wall again, trying to see what she was talking about.

"Are you sure?" I asked, completely dumbfounded.

"Yup," Edward answered, bluntly.

"Wow. Girls should not be allowed to talk on phones. They'd stay on them all day if they had the choice."

"Yeah," Edward agreed. "Poor Carlisle. His ear is going to fall off."

I chuckled and we went back to go sit on the cream-coloured couch.

**Hope you liked it! Hope you laughed till you fell off your chair!**

**Yes, it is normal that you don't know what Emmett did wrong. It will be revealed in the next chapter. **

**Remember, any type of review is loved. I also wanna see if you can guess what Emmett's mistake was. It was blended in quite well, so try guess. For fun.**

**Thanx for reading!**


	4. Rosalie's plan

**Listen, I'm really sorry about not posting for ages. I was busy.**

**Uuh...this chapter is a little more serious than the others, but we get back to listening to Emmetts thoughts next chapter, soo...**

**Oh, stuff it! I'm not in the mood to write A/Ns today... Here's the story.**

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"Well, I'm just trying to figure her out. Humans are so strange," Rosalie heard Emmett say as she got closer to the open doorway that led to the lounge. She laughed silently, agreeing whole-heartedly to that statement. She was going into the family room to give Emmett the phone; Carlisle had asked to speak to him.

"Yeah, but they're hot," Edward replied to Emmett's definition for humans. She stopped, curious about how Emmett would respond.

"Yeah, they are actually." _What? Was he being serious?_ Rosalie could feel her hands shaking. He couldn't have just said that. He was joking. Rosalie took a deep breath, even though she didn't need it. He was just joking. That was all.

She heard him finish a sentence but she didn't filter the words in her hurt state. But was it hurt that she was feeling, or rage?

She couldn't think straight. Was that really what he thought? She couldn't believe it. If Emmett thought that humans were hot, then what did that make her? It made her nothing. Her beauty, her only constant and advantage had been stripped away.

"Rosalie?" she heard Carlisle's faint voice. It was unexpected, startling, if you like. It made her drop the phone she'd forgotten she had in her hand in the first place. But she didn't notice, the only reason she managed to drop it in the first place.

Emmett and Edward instantly went silent. They'd heard the phone hit the floor, but Rosalie didn't want them to see her. She needed to think this through first. She saw Edward's shadow fall across the wall; he'd stood up, and Emmett was following him.

She snatched the phone up, off the cream colour carpet, and dashed into the brightly lit kitchen. She put the phone to her ear again, remembering that Carlisle was waiting for Rosalie to give the phone to Emmett.

"Sorry, Carlisle," she spoke into the phone as she looked at the reflection in the window which clearly showed Edward turning back to Emmett. They'd noticed that there was no danger, and had also not seen Rosalie spying on them. "Emmett's busy right now." Rosalie's eyes lingered back to the glass, and she saw her stunning beauty again. It was the only thing special about her. She wasn't friendly, like Carlisle or Esme, or talented like Edward or Alice. She wasn't strong, or good fighters like Jasper or Emmett.

"That's okay, Rosalie," Carlisle said to her.

"I'll tell him to call you back when he's free," Rosalie was trying to hide the anger she was feeling, but she wasn't fully achieving her goal, and Carlisle heard it.

"Rosalie, are you okay?" he asked her, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, what would make you think otherwise?" she asked, trying to be blasé.

"Your voice sounded a bit...never mind," he said, letting it go. Rosalie knew he wouldn't worry too much.

"I'll call you again tomorrow. And get Emmett to call to," she said to him. She wanted to think things through.

"Sure. Take care," he said back to her, kindly.

"You too," Rosalie said, and then the phone went dead.

She pressed the button to switch the phone off, and put it down. Leaning against the island in the middle of the kitchen, with her butt touching the shiny, grey marble, she sighed, not knowing of any other way to release her emotion.

Realising that she was standing in a place that everyone else had free access to, she put on a placid face and walked through the house. She hoped that nobody would see her, and turned left out of the kitchen door, making sure to stay away from the family room where Edward and Emmett still sat.

Breathing heavily, purely to contain her emotion and keep herself from screaming, she stepped into the bathroom and locked the door, not bothering to put on the light. She didn't need it. She sat on the side of the free-standing bath tub.

Thoughts were rushing through her head so fast that she couldn't keep from feeling slightly dizzy. By now she'd stopped breathing so hard, but was now feeling sick. Not because she was ill, but with emotion. That was something she hadn't felt in a really long time. She almost liked it; it made her feel slightly human.

Although she didn't concentrate on the feeling; instead she just clenched and released her fists. She knew that this was pure anger now, no longer hurt.

But who was she angry at? Bella or... Emmett? Cold she really be this angry at Emmett?

She wanted Bella to be gone. That she could tell. Although Bella definitely wasn't the one she was angry at.

Now she knew. She knew that Emmett wasn't going to make it out of this unscathed. Not if she had anything to do with it.

Rosalie got up off the side of the bath tub and walk towards the door. She turned the handle and stepped back into the soft light in the passage way. She felt better now that she had a plan. There was nothing anybody could do to stop her, and no rules to put the rest of her family in danger. No, she wouldn't break the rules. She didn't need to. Her plan would work even better without breaking the rules.

She walked gracefully up the stairs and into her room to write out her plan, this would help her eliminate all flaws, not that she saw any. You could never be too careful in her world.

She smirked as she stepped into the room that she shared with Emmett. It would be so lonely without her in it.

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**Yeah uuh... review, don't review, I don't even care today...**


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